I've signed up for a few VBAC message boards, and I'll be vague so as not to get myself kicked off of any for copying and pasting specific information.
Essentially, I don't get it. I just read a post written by a woman who was devastated that her cousin's wife had a c-section. She tried to warn the cousin's wife several times that her OB was "c-section happy". The poster also attempted to convince this woman that she needed to do her research regarding the dramatic rise in c-sections in the United States.
However, the cousin's wife ignored her and ended up with a c-section (the details as to why are vague). I would really love to quote sections of this woman's post so that I could accurately convey her disgust with her cousin's wife, but again--I'm not looking to get kicked off.
Today, I'm struggling with the idea that c-sections equal failure--that having one means that I somehow failed as a mother, and as a woman in general. Am I pissed that I had one that might have been unnecessary? Yes, definitely. Am I angry with myself for not doing more research? Well...sort of. But I trusted my doctor. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. She had the degree, after all.
It bothers me that many proponents of VBAC's and vaginal births in general have this extreme mistrust of the medical profession. Am I naive to think that my former OB jumped the gun with my c-section, but that not all doctors are that way? Am I foolish to think that I can trust another doctor to guide my care based on what he or she honestly thinks is best for me, rather than according to his or her lunch plans?
I guess what I'm saying is that I think it is my job to do the research (now that I know better). It is my job to find a doctor I trust. It is my job to check to see that his VBAC stats support what he says to my face, and to stay as healthy and as active as possible. And then it will be my job to let go. I think in the eyes of some people, this means I am setting myself up for failure.
In certain situations, I believe doctors dole out unnecessary advice--say when it comes to promoting sleep training in babies. I have been on the receiving end of such parenting advice (from a former pediatrician), and I did not appreciate it.
However, the ultimate decision of whether or not I need surgery is different, isn't it? If I do everything to set the stage for a VBAC and in the end my baby simply can't tolerate the labor, wouldn't I be insane to refuse a repeat c-section?
I do not see myself becoming a militant VBAC proponent who spouts off the evils of c-sections to any one who will listen. I think the reason is because doing so would feel wrong to me. I believe in freedom of choice, particularly when it comes to one's own body. Some people schedule c-sections according to their vacation plans. Truthfully, I happen to think this is bizarre. But if you have tickets to Belize and need to have a baby beforehand, by all means--schedule away.
Does my belief in another woman's right to choose her care make me less worthy of a VBAC or less dedicated to having one? And if I choose to trust my new doctor, have I already failed?
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6 comments:
I don't think you are a walking contradiction, I think you are on a journey. Somewhere on that journey you may find, as I did, that the only way you will have a VBAC is at home. You might get lucky and find a VBAC friendly doctor and have a successful VBAC in a hospital (I know moms that have, but few and far between in my area of the country) or you might start out at home and decide to transfer to a hospital, and have your VBAC there. The reason so many VBAC supporters distrust the medical profession is that many of us are active in the birth community and time and time again attend births where mom's wishes are completely ignored, interventions are performed without telling mom, full disclosure of risk is not given, etc. etc. etc. Like you most of us initially trusted the medical community, but our trust was abused.
If you've read my story, you will note that I started out with an OB but nudged by instinct and friends, I ended up birthing at home. It was a long journey that involved tons of research and four different care providers. In my area there is no such thing as a hospital with a high VBAC success rate. There are hospitals with cesarean rates OVER 40%! There is one, repeat one OB with a consistent record of supporting VBACers. That is the reality. Your town may be different. I would like to hope so.
A good friend of mine is an OB and believes the system is as broken as I do. And it isn't the physicians, it is the system. The legal environment, the insurance companies, the lack of midwives (who are the guardians of normal birth in most of the world but not in the U.S.), etc. etc.
As for getting mad at other moms who fail to VBAC, that is certainly a waste of negative energy. I think some of us are so passionate that we don't see how useless that kind of energy is. What I do understand is the frustration that many of us have with moms who go on and on about how they MUST HAVE A VBAC but don't do the work they need to do to give themselves the best chances of VBACing successfully and are upset when they don't get their VBAC.
Enough rambling. Welcome to the VBAC/normal birth blogging community and thanks a bunch for linking to my site! Can't wait to read more about your journey.
Thanks for your insight! You make some great points. I am still learning "the system" and it helps to hear (or read) the perspective of those with experience. I have learned a lot from your blog!
I agree, it is a journey. Each woman takes her own and it leads them to different places. It is hard as a VBAC mom to see others going down a path which most likely leads them to a cesarean and it makes me want to warn them. But I also know, they have their own path to take!
This whole thing is going to be quite a journey for us both. I am 20 weeks pregnant and have decided that the best chance I have at a VBAC is birthing at home. I have found a midwife that will assist in my delivery and have become very comfortable with that option. But, just 5 weeks ago I never even considered having a home birth, much less even knew a single soul who had ever had one. It's been a growing 5 weeks, as I can imagine the next 20 will continue to be the same. I'm looking forward to going through this journey with you.
((Please)) hire an experienced doula early in your VBAC journey.
Denise
I agree with allowing women to make their own decisions about what to do with their bodies. The problem with trusting your doctor for me is that if you want to have a birth that is a normal, natural, biological process rather than a surgical procedure - don't hire a surgeon to attend it (that's what an OB is). It's a bit like hiring a pediatric surgeon to babysit for you.
I trust doctors to do what they do best, but normal birth isn't what obstetricians "do".
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